How to read paintings

Of course I know that you already know how to read paintings, you look at 'em and see if you feel they resonate with you in any way and then you can say "Oh yeah I get that," or "Well I don't know what you might mean by any of this but I like the look of it," - or not.

But for those of you that do like to feel you Know Things here's a handy device for accounting for the curvature of the space-time continuum on two-dimensional encrusted surfaces. Feel free to knock one out on your 3D printer, the dimensions of the ruler itself are what-fits-in-your-handbag x how-you're-feeling.

Note the canny addition in this model of the grisly Second Zero, the off-at-the-plug Just Not , Not Ever, ugh-I-get-vertigo-just-thinking-about-it Dreadful Nought of Nothingness, to be distinguished from the comfy not-now or not-in-this-case functional zero of life processes and things we can understand